[Originally Posted to Nintendowned.com, April 2006]

 So aparently the big N have announced that the Revolution will be called the Nintendo Wii. And I have to say I can't wait to have a Wii. Sorry. What I meant to say is that Wii are not amused.

 Now, all jokes aside, I have to be completely serious. Assuming you haven't already left in disgust, I don't want to tempt fate with any more Wii jokes. However, it would seem I don't have a choice. The logic of this new name? Well, it sounds like "we", which of course shows that we're (or should that be wii're?) all involved. The two i's represent two people in one-on-one wii action, and of course "wii" is one letter short fo "wi-fi". Don't try telling me that was a mistake Nintendo. Just don't. Wii of course does not have any meanings that will seem at all funy or rude in the english language. The very idea that asking someone to play with your wii may result in an uncomfortable situation is just daft. Daft I tell you. Especially as it is painfully clear that by it's time of release not only will the jokes have run thin, but Nintendo will have brainwashed us all in such a way that whenever a friend announces that he's "going for a wii", a big spinning N logo will jump into our heads. Wii will never be safe again.

Now, I for one, will not go into GAME and say I'd like to pre-order a Wii; It's just too silly. I can't do it. I'll ask for the new Nintendo, which as we all know will work becasue the staff at most game stores know even less about Nintendo than I do. They'll probably think I'm one of them.

But I digress. It seems to me Nintendo are aiming at a particular market, and we know they are. They even said so. And that market consists of people that don't already own consoles. So Wii are not the market for Wii, in fact the market for Wii is the Wii people who don't matter much. Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
*ahem* Sorry. It shows you just how much trouble it is getting the minimum number of words that I have to annoy you with the bad jokes. And me. This is torture, this is. So, betrayal is the word. Nintendo cares about the people without consoles, but do they give a flying (fox-ed) about those of us who already do? Not so much. Sure if some converts arrive from Playstation and XBox land they'll be happy, but what they really care about is nothing more than the outside market. This of course risks alienating the average gamer, thus cutting the market appeal of the Wii. It's a risky strategy, one that may not work. There's a good chance it could go wrong, so what we have to do is trust Nintendo that it'll work. Trust: funny word, that, when applied to a big company, don'tcha think? We're the little folk that buy the product, but we're just statistics to the men in suits looking at their accounts. Bill gates is probably laughing his head off just now, at what he undoubtedly sees as Nintendo more or less commiting ritual suicide. A burnt offering to the American monopolization of the console market. MacDonaldization is on its way, and there's nothing wii can do about it. Compliance is inevitable, deviation will soon be a thing of the past. With this change in name our last hope may have vanished. In a few months, the games industry will either be reborn, and will move another step closer to drudgery and repitition, as the only remaining three-thinker leaves the arena. Conform, puny humans, conform.


Stephen Whitehead
28th April 2006
21:49